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poetry improv... GO!
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Witch Baby



Joined: 26 Jul 2003
Posts: 325
Location: hereinmyhead (Canada)

PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 4:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

melody! i like it!

thanks greg Smile, there's always different ways of looking at what's written, but i did have in mind that raft being a deserted dream; a shattered ideal

p.s your website is perrtty! ima gonna check some more of your writing out

now for the improv bit

you've got your talents
i've got half a cup of coffee, just enough to keep me alive
and i'm sorry if i died for you and didn't offer you my life
'cause i knew you would take it all
so i had to keep a few last-minute late-night wanderings in mind
just to prove i have myself in order
prove to you our time is over

so what, i never was the smallest song you dared sing
the words you held tight, whisper to scream
maybe i'm a melody you hum when your asleep
when you forget the fears that do creep
every waking day, but don't look so ashamed
this is what you and me together we create
a monster maybe, but baby
i've left my impression, it's quite discrete
so remember me when you dream
remeber i'm the one who could have taught you to sing
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backpacker



Joined: 23 Jul 2003
Posts: 1151

PostPosted: Wed Jan 21, 2004 5:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

my mind is draw blank
i'm not sure what is real
a hated bitter temperment
catapulted through the years

shattered inventory of lust
dressed in a smothering colusion
invested into the ideals of illusion
its was all just a orchestrated trust.

--------

i'm sure that makes no sense at all.


and thank you adéle for the compliment Smile
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Witch Baby



Joined: 26 Jul 2003
Posts: 325
Location: hereinmyhead (Canada)

PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2004 10:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

whoo i'm done exams!
time to live and breathe again, i swear i didn't die i was just living under a rock with all my chem and math notes


Quote:
its was all just a orchestrated trust.

that resonates with me for some reason

and here a haiku of celebration

and so i wake up
the blizzard of my lost mind
found in the new day

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Happymelody



Joined: 23 Jul 2003
Posts: 477
Location: Sometimes Seatte, sometimes not

PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2004 7:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Witch Baby wrote:
and here a haiku of celebration

and so i wake up
the blizzard of my lost mind
found in the new day


beautiful! I think there can be a lot of power in the simplicity of a few words ...
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Witch Baby



Joined: 26 Jul 2003
Posts: 325
Location: hereinmyhead (Canada)

PostPosted: Sun Oct 03, 2004 5:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

well, I thought I'd resurrect this thread
just because making stuff up on the spot can often surprise you and get the mind flowing, it's actually home to some words i'm quite proud of... as well as some that still needed work...
also, I remember reading a lot of great words here from others, spur of the moment lines


---
i'll tackle your pride
stare it straight on
the rules we've come to hide behind
the laws we let keep us safe
they state that
if I am kept from you, I am safe

all trust
i place in an upturned palm
grasping tight
oh don't let us fade
don't let me let you go away
and if we were to reach accross
a line drawn out for years
i'd be willing give up sanctuary for fire
just this once
---

and the fire and the brine and it rose
and it rose
and we rise
and the fire and the rise and rising sun
and let this all be done
lest we use the fire and the rise
to come undone what rose back when
when we left it all for fire and light and the burning one

---
a shafted seed, rose to a danceless wind
shook hands with branches
screeching for the sky
we are creased and clumsy
but will not be defeated
we are flown and low
but swear we can fly
are we high and rising
we are damaged, dry
don't leave us without your drawn-out song
it's not much, but it's the best we can do
not my time, not your right
but who are we to choose?
when we arrive when we grow
this is all you get
make it worthy, brittle, shine
we do what we do, and it's the best we'll ever be
it's not a question of endless quality
but what we've got to give with the breaths we do or do not take
we're only as strong as these words we live, create
--

see, not the way i was expecting it to go, but meh that's what happens
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AdamL



Joined: 29 Sep 2003
Posts: 220

PostPosted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 7:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah poetry improv resurrected!!! This is a bit rough:


The Eskimo King is glowing orange in the sunset
just like the road you travelled until your tires
wore grooves into the asphalt.
The sunset on this life is here and the time has finally come.
The time to pack up your vampires,
your apocalyptic space battles,
your late night descents into the answers
in a bottle of whiskey.
This time is over......NO!!!

You run towards the horizon as the images of independence
that you spent a bachelor's degree to attain,
rest atop the descending fire.
And as they pass below the trees,
and the stars pierce through the last greens and blues of the day,
the loneliness of never being lonely again
begins to creep into your head.

As you turn towards new life in the black,
she stands before you.
Her blue gym shorts pressed against a red wall
and a broken smile crossing her face like a little girl
whose mom just forced her big brother to play with her.
She extends a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
towards you with all the vulnerability
of new queen trying to win her subjects' love,
and you brush her flushed cheek with a gentle smile
as you remember that night always was
your favorite time of day.
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backpacker



Joined: 23 Jul 2003
Posts: 1151

PostPosted: Sat Oct 09, 2004 7:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

wow, bringing back the old times. thanks adele and adam Smile let see how rusty i am.


shot, straight out
looking beyond the cold night
the cold air, your cold eyes
a look of disgust
an aura of fear

tell me, precious
tell youself to tell me
tell me, i say
tell me what you wish to say
tell me everything
tell me, i say

slience of seperation
'tis all she wrote
a pang of difficulty
too hard to swallow
bright as the neon glow
through the leaves, the trees
i've nothing else to know

listen you, darling
listen to me
listen, you say
shining headlights illuminate your face
listen to the words
to help you escape away

lost and sorrow
your eyes mirror of me
a twang of jealosy
is all that i see
look, deep into my eyes
and tell me i'm not
i'm not... being betrayed.


yup. fun times Smile both of your provs are awesome. each of you always has something interesting every time Smile
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AdamL



Joined: 29 Sep 2003
Posts: 220

PostPosted: Tue Oct 12, 2004 9:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow. Adele and Greg, I can't tell you guys how much I love reading your stuff here. You both have such poetic souls and also the minds to translate what you feel to the page so distinctly. Its truly a treat to read your entries, so I hope that you both (as well as everyone else here) puts more entries into this thread.

Just something I put down today.....


Can thunder sing a song as beautiful as wind?
Can it wash over the Earth like the verse of the rain,
covering the fallen leaves and dead grass
of a late October evening.
Can thunder play the instruments of the sun
and shine a chorus down from the heavens
that warms the sands and rocks
and insides of cars to make people smile on
a cold February afternoon.
Can thunder pluck the strings of death
like the snow does as it falls against the dead branches
of the sleepy trees that hang lifeless in the cold
of a January morning.

Can thunder shimmer like the moon against the ice?
Can it tantalize the eyes like a flash from its sister?
Can it make a melody out of its grumblings
that instill fear in the young and still shiver the old?
Can it ever be more than what the dark clouds in June
predetermine it to be?

....or will it just grumble on?
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backpacker



Joined: 23 Jul 2003
Posts: 1151

PostPosted: Thu Oct 14, 2004 6:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

wow Adam. that improv is very cool. it is so intricate and really builds a situation from it; i can actually visualize it. rock on dude! Smile
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AdamL



Joined: 29 Sep 2003
Posts: 220

PostPosted: Thu Oct 14, 2004 8:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks Greg!
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backpacker



Joined: 23 Jul 2003
Posts: 1151

PostPosted: Mon Oct 25, 2004 9:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

the project of october 26th

a shaky hand
and a steady mind
linked forever bodily

concepts of ideas
sketched into my mind
vivid, wonderful, and bold

four circles and a square
touching in perfect union
a centeralized contrast of line

i stand before the crowd
seperated by the air in front of us
as i spaek on and on, my postition

'my piece', i say, 'speaks
of contrast and cleanliness
elogently simple is design.'

'the line, boldly outlining,
sets the tone of importance
of beatuy, of simplicity.'

'i tried complicated
and i tried easy,
but yet simple is key,'

'it was a risk, this,
to go so simply simple,
beyond minimalistic terms.'

'the problem is solved,
rather well, i do say.
four circles and a square.'

'TAP!', goes the foot
my nervousness presents itself
cautiously, i wait for judgement.

----------
me, poetically speaking on my piece during a critique, a crituqie i have tomorrow morning.
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Lily



Joined: 26 Oct 2004
Posts: 3
Location: by the sea

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2004 12:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oh you all are so lovely! i feel stupid trying this out now but here it goes

The lesser of the two
and I picked you
Shuffling you're way through the dark and snow
Letting the frost fall from your shadow
Your figure outlining the doorway
You left melted winter on the threshold
Like some sad welcoming mat
I let you in
Saved you with my promises
and prayers to keep you warm
December is so far away
I'd keep you from harm
If you'd just let me


Embarassed
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jerzgrll



Joined: 23 Jul 2003
Posts: 1623
Location: New York City/Hoboken, NJ

PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2004 12:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lily, that's great! I love it!
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StradGirl



Joined: 23 Aug 2004
Posts: 452
Location: New York City

PostPosted: Fri Nov 05, 2004 9:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

not exactly poetry but a sentence that haunts me, confuses me and drives me daily as i wrote it in lipstick on my mirror...

I am the oxymoron
to your microcosm.

So what does that make you?

I am an undefined in your defintive.

So please tell me what you are?
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backpacker



Joined: 23 Jul 2003
Posts: 1151

PostPosted: Sun Dec 19, 2004 8:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

but with every step,
i can't help but wonder
how i look in your eyes
and with every step,
i can't help but think
if you will always be by my side

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thie one came to me at work yesterday and has been in my head since. it literally just popped into my head, so i frantically tried to write it down on a piece of paper, but ended up only getting the last 2/3 of it.
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freefall



Joined: 02 Jan 2005
Posts: 1329
Location: Malaysia

PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2005 7:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

gosh, you guys literally wax lyrical!
and I'm joining in too, it's a miracle!
if my rhyming seems inappropriate,
that's 'cos I haven't done so in a while,
(Gosh I so need to get a date)
so forgive me if I sound like a child,
if you think my rhyming sucks,
and that I need to get a life,
I'll find another way to make big bucks,
and find me a beautiful wife!

I'm not kidding. I've not written a poem in 8 years. My first English poem was also my last when the people that recited it blew it big time (it was a group recital onstage for a teacher). So you can say this is my second poem. Smile

I guess all those years studying and thinking scientifically sidetracked my passion for playing with words. That poem was dumb, I know, but what a rush!
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backpacker



Joined: 23 Jul 2003
Posts: 1151

PostPosted: Mon Jan 03, 2005 8:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

simma down now..... actually, that was a pretty funny poem/rap (i can so see someone rappin' that)
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freefall



Joined: 02 Jan 2005
Posts: 1329
Location: Malaysia

PostPosted: Tue Jan 04, 2005 9:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Aww, thanks so much. but I really can't imagine someone rapping to that! Like I said, that was my first poem in 8 years, so I wanted something lighthearted in case I screw up. Smile
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bluewater



Joined: 19 Jan 2005
Posts: 6
Location: Austin

PostPosted: Wed Jan 19, 2005 6:07 pm    Post subject: Please let me know what you think Reply with quote

This is a poem I just gushed out about someone I couldn't possibly miss more. Please read it and tell me if it is worthy of being set to music.

You brushed the frost off my coat
there was no going back
to the time of easy hellos
the passing goodbyes

We couldn't go back
it was the coldest November

That first kiss was the one i'd miss
the last time I looked at you
Breaking the glass
Couldn't be much more

And I wish you all the best
Because we can't seem to see
Past the reason why

Time passes by
And you're always here
Like you just dropped by

So we went and ruined it all
We both know it's better that way
Functionality was always overrated

And stars spun 'round my head
And I was floating on your words
Cause I kept you from falling
While you held me up

Maybe you'll find me
But please just remember

That I will never feel
the way you made me feel
On that empty black night
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freefall



Joined: 02 Jan 2005
Posts: 1329
Location: Malaysia

PostPosted: Wed Feb 02, 2005 7:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't know if it's worthy of being music,
but I think it's fantastic,
that you'd dare to share,
about the one you care.

I wrote a poem about someone I loved too,
but I'm not as brave as you,
So the only place it'll be,
is in the page of my diary.
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D-Wanna-B



Joined: 12 Feb 2005
Posts: 36
Location: NL

PostPosted: Sat Feb 12, 2005 9:49 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

After a few hard bites,
remind me to give Elstar a go

I'm probably not connecting
that's what you get with these flashlights
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bluewater



Joined: 19 Jan 2005
Posts: 6
Location: Austin

PostPosted: Mon Feb 21, 2005 7:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Back in the day
we'd scream into space
with nothing much else to do

Just looking at stars
While gathering scars
fanning the flames into blue

But the sun too soon rose
And I turned up my nose
My, how her bowling ball grew

I held out my hand
But fell through the sand
And now all I think of is you.
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walterBeOne



Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 816
Location: PA

PostPosted: Sun Mar 06, 2005 8:42 pm    Post subject: Poem I wrote tonight Reply with quote

This poem came from the experiences of a few people I know who were dumped by their wives, and from some of the bloody poems on an arab site I often visit. You need to reach the last line to "get" the poem.

without my umbrella

I can’t believe you took me there
out into the open
without any protection
outside without my umbrella
to deflect the tears
from the sky of my memory
no warning to even take a rain coat
no warning of the impending mercy killing

so sweet in the past
so tart now in your words
    it was my fault
    I let you down
    I wasn’t there
    I wasn’t this
    I wasn’t that


knives into my soul
causing my blood to flow
red icons of my life
spilling from my wounds
my shoes red from hurt
you...
How could you
taking away all I had
you

you said,
our life ... half dead, half alive
you said,
better to kill it now
mercy killing...I thought
surprises, I always liked surprises
not this one
from nowhere your words struck
no defense had I
too surprised to even deflect
your words into my soul

the rain came down
or was it blood
colored forever by my own blood
a red tattoo I would wear to my grave
without my umbrella
I melted away into the dust
blood mixed with dirt
– the only proof I ever lived

and you just stepped over my blood
and returned to your lover

© March 6, 2005
wdolen
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Last edited by walterBeOne on Sat Mar 19, 2005 8:18 am; edited 1 time in total
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walterBeOne



Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 816
Location: PA

PostPosted: Mon Mar 07, 2005 9:37 pm    Post subject: Another poem I just wrote Reply with quote

The poem above of course can also be about women who have been dumped by their mate or lover just as well, in fact I know of three in the town I used to live in in California that were really tragic: one was left without her kids, no home, no job (lawyer husband tricked her); another was left with 5 or 6 kids, a house payment, no job; another was left by husband who only left a note.

This poem is for the jaded poets we have read at my place:

Much love

I can see you need much love
a little won't due
and I have that love
for you, for you I do

sometimes we are jaded
love is for fools
love is for the young
love is for the dreamers
love is not for us
who have lived
who have seen the other side
who have been disappointed
who have been burned at the stake

when we feel our flesh
– burned by the heat of reality
when we feel the cold of steel
– freezing our hands
when ice forms on our windshield
– blinding our sight
sometimes we are jaded
sometimes we are steel

I can see you need much love
a little won't due
and I have that love
for you, for you I do

© March 7, 2005
wdolen
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freefall



Joined: 02 Jan 2005
Posts: 1329
Location: Malaysia

PostPosted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 8:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This was something I thought up while listening to Sweet Chariot, Never Never Land and A Million Miles (by Lostprophets). I was inspired to write something about getting away, something dreamy (but not creamy, though that'd be yummy). Talk about a need for escapism! Razz

Look away from the lie
Open up your weary eye
No need to heave a sigh
No reason for you to cry
Look up and see the sky
Don't you wish you can fly?

Into that beautiful infinite blue?
If wishes do come true
I'd fly away with you
And begin our lives anew

We'll just cruise ourselves along
To places found in songs
To somewhere that we belong
Where we can do no wrong

There's no need for a plan
We'll do the best we can
So please take my hand
And we'll start something grand

I doubt I'm ever gonna be a good poet. I'm just obsessed with making things rhyme! Very Happy
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