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Civil War at Daddy's Kitchen Table

 
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StradGirl



Joined: 23 Aug 2004
Posts: 452
Location: New York City

PostPosted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 10:23 am    Post subject: Civil War at Daddy's Kitchen Table Reply with quote

Civil War at Our Kitchen Table

stay polite, always smile, sit up straight
cross your right ankle over the other
under your chair, a demure silent little girl
patiently waiting to be found

Daddy, sits at the table’s helm
like a communist taking power from
those who lack it
me and my perfect daughter naivete
my little brothers & sister smirk knowingly

exquisite sorrow seeps into the ground
for the family war that never ends
Mozart's requiem repeats depression for the sake of
“perceived happiness” to the outside world
the ideal family to be copied like a Stepford wife

Daddy, beckons us before Him
to listen to his daily plights
we sit rigid together alone
after time His voice becomes
hypnotic

my frivolous heart
beating once, twice, is now erratic
He asks a question of me
His head shakes with disappointment
my A- an “ambiguous grade”

Daddy, Freud bound me to you
or was it my mother who
abandoned my sister and me that pulled
the pretty ribbons tight

shocked by his shame in me
a tear escapes in my own defeat, dependant
upon His need, His vision, His beliefs
His vengeful Old Testament God
I open my mouth out fly the lies
maybe last year’s lies will serve me again
I am His creation built upon deception, his and mine

Daddy, truth’s become a phantom
only visible inside, at night
lies, too many in my face
the face that Daddy kind of loves

A presence came to me not too long ago
She held out her hand, helped
“Daddy’s Little Girl” to stand on her own
but she left one day because I didn’t believe
in Her, for I was still lying
supine on daddy’s couch

Daddy, I cry and sadly smile
as I raise the axe above my head, I shake as
it lowers with a snap as it severs the roots of my past alone in myself
reverberating converged under my dress, in appurtenant anger

fallen, like the family tree
until I hear the Goddess’ call,
reminding me not to play his games, I am no longer his pawn
she smiles as she gives me blessings to follow
My path that winds and eventually
I will be lost to Him

Daddy, molded me into someone
I was uncomfortable to be
I had to lie to see his Faith
without seeing that it had cost me everything

the leaves and flowers blow from the fallen tree
the saddened seeds would soon discern
that there is no safe harbor for the
contrived and weathered blossoms
but that there is release for the
seeds that fly and plant themselves
Anew.

Finally, though over thirty I am now Me.
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Courage n. Mental or moral strength to venture, persevere and withstand danger, fear or difficulty.
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geralynn



Joined: 27 May 2004
Posts: 358
Location: Florida

PostPosted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 12:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I understand how you feel.

because I too am going through things such at this. And I know how that is.

Please feel free to read my poem, I wrote (http://www.charlotteteam.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=2426) because I did put something in the beginning about you in it. Your poem has helped me to pull my out of the dirt and place it in a forum I know people understand.

So thank you. Thank you for your courage to post that, thank you for your kindness to let your heart out. Becuase dispite what our father's say, they don't understand, and they never will. And while their opinions did rise above our own, we're strong enough to let it fuck away becuase they don't deserve us.
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megg



Joined: 24 Jul 2003
Posts: 150
Location: nyc

PostPosted: Wed Mar 30, 2005 8:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

wow. enough said.

xo
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freefall



Joined: 02 Jan 2005
Posts: 1329
Location: Malaysia

PostPosted: Wed Mar 30, 2005 9:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can relate somewhat to your poem. I don't have a bad relationship with my parents, but in all honesty, we don't really know each other. It feels like seperate people living in one house if you know what I mean. But now that I'm a little older and wiser, I think time has a way of making you look back and realize that sometimes we just try too hard.
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walterBeOne



Joined: 28 Jan 2005
Posts: 816
Location: PA

PostPosted: Wed Mar 30, 2005 12:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

pretty good poem ... lack of communication -- always a problem ... desire to be ones own self .. to find ones own path .. always a need for.

appropriate title also...
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megg



Joined: 24 Jul 2003
Posts: 150
Location: nyc

PostPosted: Wed Mar 30, 2005 7:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i LOVE the title. Smile
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StradGirl



Joined: 23 Aug 2004
Posts: 452
Location: New York City

PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 8:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for all the kind words. I am still baffled at the whole daddy's little girl complex that I hold (but letting it go) like Shakepeare's Cordelia. It's so bizarre that I wrapped myself in lies so he would like me and in the end I didn't really gain his complete acceptance and I lost myself completely so I didn't even know who I was anymore. So as frightening as it is to let go it feels great to just me me even if I am not what he wants: the Conservative, Christian, Carnivore, Married with Children, Living in the suburbs kind of girl who doesn't wear heels over 2" Wink .

I love this board and that I am able to be me fault, faultlines, mistakse and all. I love how music is a glue that brings people together and sometimes binds you to others. I love that mmmmmmmmmusic.
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freefall



Joined: 02 Jan 2005
Posts: 1329
Location: Malaysia

PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 8:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

StradGirl wrote:
I love this board and that I am able to be me fault, faultlines, mistakse and all. I love how music is a glue that brings people together and sometimes binds you to others. I love that mmmmmmmmmusic.


Isn't it strange how we can talk better with strangers at times? Of the many lessons I learnt this year, the best was the knowledge that sometimes the most beautiful people in the world are strangers. A simple gesture can turn your day or even your iife around. I guess there's really no such thing as strangers, just degrees of familiarity huh? Smile
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